i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
