I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
