dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
