oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can I color on your dick again?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
