i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
