I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
