like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
