Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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