Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
