did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
