You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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