The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Randomize
