Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
