She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
