i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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