Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
