Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
