someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
