That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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