I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
