I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
