I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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