Kiss
Puke
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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