I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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