The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize