I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
