He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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