Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Still dying that you shit outside
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
