pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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