so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
