Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
