I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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