It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
