I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
