I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
