My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
we should paint friendship bongs
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