oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
