I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
