let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
