whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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