i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize