Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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