totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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