I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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