it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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