So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
