is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
