btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
