Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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