My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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