i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
