Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
