Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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