Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
