his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
