Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
