brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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