I can text with my tongue
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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