GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
