I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
