what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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