Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
