I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
