if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
