Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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