how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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