like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This gyro tastes like lonliness
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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