in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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