so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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