First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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