Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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