I'm lost and stupid without you.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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