gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
