Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
