just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
